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Donald Trump is the President Elect

So, Donald Trump is going to be our next president…

How do I feel, you ask… I feel many, many things. Fear, anger, sadness, motivation. All of this has been at the tip of my tongue for the last two days, but I have not yet been able to give an honest reaction on this election.

 I wish I had more to offer you in all of this, but all I have is my honesty. And honestly, I’m not great. If you haven’t figured out by now, I am not a Trump supporter. I won’t get into who I supported in this election because I don’t think it is necessary to do so in order to express my real and authentic feelings about the outcome. I will say though, I did not want Donald Trump to win this election. I think a direct quote from my personal Facebook is that “I am truly, deeply, and utterly disappointed”.

 I realize that not everyone agrees with me and it is never my intention to exclude or isolate people. If you voted for Trump and are relieved and excited by the outcome, you are still welcome here. However, my therapist made me aware of one thing: I do NOT have to love my oppressor. I let go of a very important friendship over this presidency and I will not disempower myself to gain followers. I understand that we all might disagree in opinion, but I will always speak from my own, authentic experience and my experience right now is that of a deep sense of grief. Not because “my candidate lost” as many have suggested- I do not have a competitive bone in my body. I am grieving because of the fact that over ½ of the country that I belong to has agreed that what Donald Trump represents (hatred, racism, sexism, intolerance, a lack of empathy, ignorance, a discontent with diversity) is acceptable. That is a terrifying thought to me. 

I have lived in the United States my entire life. That entire time I have been occupying this country with a black, female body. It is safe to say that I have faced racism and sexism on many levels in my lifetime. THAT is not what I am grieving. I am grieving a loss. I truly believe that every single person has basic goodness. The way that I operate in this world is based off of that assumption. Although that belief has not changed, I have come to the realization that people will often allow their “shadow self” to override their basic goodness. This changes everything. I feel like I need to protect myself. I feel defensive about the people that I love. I feel like I’m on the “other team” when everyone else is home based, but this IS MY HOME! I feel like I’ve been kicked out of the dinner conversation in my own family. How do you cope with that? The scapegoating, the othering. I have no answers. I want to be okay, but right now I am just not okay. I am totally and completely not okay. And it is okay if you totally and completely are not okay, too. Be whatever and however you are. That is one step forward. 
 I hope this helps.

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As always with love,
Alli B
Sonny B
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Alli B is the voice behind She is a self-defined weird (queer) black woman who is a survivor of mental illness and childhood sexual trauma. She is a lover of people and a lover of God. Alli’s mission in life is to empower and inspire those who have gone through or who are going through any type of darkness. Her loves are her family, books, writing, movies, and football (Go Broncos!). The boring stuff: Alli received her Bachelor’s degree in Human Development and Family Studies at Colorado State University in 2013. She is now working on her Master’s degree in Transpersonal Counseling Psychology and is expected to graduate in May of 2018. Alli's goal is to work with underserved populations of women and children through private practice. Her life goals include: running a successful blog, publishing her books, and becoming a successful therapist.

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